( International Black Swan poster )

I saw Black Swan last Tuesday. It was... brutal. The last 20 - 30 minutes are among the most intense I've experienced at a film in quite some time. I liked it, though I feel that the claims that it's flawless are perhaps overstating things a bit. Non-spoilery business:

Almost every review I've read brings up The Turning Point or The Red Shoes, and yeah, this is a movie that has ballet in it, but Black Swan lacks reverence or at least fondness for the subject of dance that even awesome tripe like Center Stage managed. It's a Darren Aronofsky film, so people destroying themselves for a single-minded goal is what's for dinner, but at least his previous films all took you inside their protagonists' obsessions, while Black Swan seemed curiously detached. I just didn't care about Nina Sayers, though I don't how much of that rests with script failures, and how much is on Natalie Portman, who has always struck me as someone who acts because she's (trying to be) good at it, and not necessarily because she enjoys it. Perfect casting?

Mila Kunis was rather good, and so was Barabara Hershey, though I wish her character (all the characters, really) had more depth. The relationship between Nina and her mother works best when it's in an uncomfortable grey area; at once mother/daughter and overly close best friends. When it gets a little too Mommie Dearest at times, it descends into campiness.

Everything else comes together nicely. The costume design is lovely, Clint Mansell's score does a great job of melding his style with Tchaikovsky's, and the overall sound design is great. I want to call it a technical achievement based on Matthew Libatique's camera work and Andrew Weisblum's editing, let alone the visual effects. Black Swan is disturbing and visually inventive and everything you've heard it is but also not. I don't love it yet, though it's steadily growing on me and I can't stop thinking about it. I'm seeing it again tomorrow night.

Okay, so last week I went to a Halloween party thrown by the lovely Tanis and Jess. I drank a lot of rum and cokes and wrote an illegible summary of the party during the cab ride home:

"Went to Tanis and Jess's/Jess' party - delightful!

There were many delicious treats, and even though there were cats around, they weren't all, 'Eh, I'm a fucking cat - COME AT ME, BITCH!' like cats can be.

Serious, cats can be dicks. But the party: good tunes & good eats & good people, except for Hispter Dave Grohl, who got all offended when I said he looked like Dave Grohl. You know what you look like - why you mad, brah?

Krista and I won best costume, so now I own 'The Da Vinci Code'. Yay? Krista felt she rode my coat tails to victory, and we both felt like Tanis and Jess showed everyone up. THEY HAD HEADS AND BIRDS!

I'm pretty sure I forgot Krista's scissors on top of their fridge. And my Coke bottle jetpack by their front door. They better hope I don't get murdered - the cops will think they did it and kept souvenirs.

I need a Big Mac."

Here's our ~prize winning~ effort - Steampunk Slimer and Steampunk Ghostbuster:



Krista brought those scissors to trim her unruly moustache, but she decided it added charm to her ensemble.

Here's the note Tanis wrote inside our prize:

( JEALOUS? )

I did end up getting that Big Mac, in case you were wondering.

--



3:00 - 3:30 is the greatest 30 seconds ever.

--

I saw Resident Evil: Afterlife finally. My avorite part is when two Millas throw grenades at these guys and then shoot the guys they just grenaded and then jump backwards out a window while shooting up at the guys they just killed twice already, then fall down an elevator shaft and then shoot at some dudes hanging out on catwalks in the elevator shaft and then kill everyone in the command centre at the bottom of the elevator shaft. While using Brügger & Thomet MP-9s, which would not be my first choice for any of that.

Here's how Afterlife places in the Resident Evil Hair Rankings:

( Fuck you, RE: Apocalypse! )

On the way home I saw a white pickup truck with Kate Beckinsales airbrushed all over it. They were all promo pics from Underworld: Evolution but really badly done and with blue LED lights for eyes. It was AMAZING.
--

My mom's got her surgery scheduled for the end of March. Since she's still convinced that she's gonna die, she's decided to get health insurance because she wants a private room if she's laid up in the hospital afterward. Everything seems to be around $60/month for health and dental, which she insists is highway robbery because she is ridiculous. She's also decided to e her Canadian citizenship, after living here for 34 years and complaining non-stop about how bad it sucks. I've been giving her the practice tests, but it's slow going since she cheerfully admitted to me that she's not sure how many provinces we have.

Thanks to everybody who sent well-wishes regarding my mom. And now, a ~handwriting post~

( And also some of my art )

ETA: The Fast and the Furious 5 is happening for real? NOOOOO, MONICAAAA!

- So I don't ever pay attention to LJ news posts, but since everyone is all !!! about the Facebook and the Twitter, I thought I'd let you folks know that I'm also on the Dreamwidth: http://actionactioncut.dreamwidth.org/.

- My mom left me a voicemail saying "The doctor says I have some tumors or cysts or something in my stomach, and there's something wrong with my liver. So I'm dying. Or I'm not dying but I have to have surgery. I don't remember. But log on to the internet and look it up for me, okay, bitch?"

- I was going to see The Last Exorcism but Cory and I opted for Piranha 3D at the last minute. I feel it was worth my $8.37. Since all the promos focused on boobs and Jerry O'Connell's wang getting eaten (SPOILER ALERT!), I didn't realize that Jessica Szohr, Dina Meyer, Elisabeth Shue, Ving Rhames, Richard Dreyfuss, and Christopher Lloyd were in the movie. For some reason I though Dreyfuss was dead, so it was nice to see he's still working. This scene does not happen, by the by:



( More shocking Piranha 3D spoilers! )

- I also saw Scott Pilgrim vs. the World, and I am unsure if I liked it? It's certainly one of the most visually stylish movies I've seen, but it's kind of a failure. A failure that you should see. I felt that way about Speed Racer, though I loved Speed Racer, (it's great, I don't give a fuck, suck my dick, etc.). I've been listening to "Black Sheep" a lot because of Scott Pilgrim, and I've decided I like the version with Brie Larson's vocals better than the Emily Haines version.

- Play me off, Keyboard Ron Livingston:

Inception: I saw it twice, both times in IMAX. While I enjoyed the movie, I felt zero emotional connection with the story. Because it was a Christopher Nolan film, it had great visuals and a protagonist who is haunted by something bad that happened to his family. I'll probably get it when it comes out on Blu Ray, definitely so if it has a commentary. I still hate Ellen Page, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, and Leonardo DiCaprio (why does Scorsese love him so? He's boring as fuck). Tom Hardy and Ken Watanabe are still my boyfriends. I'm still on the fence about the score. Yes, I get it, but still. And is it just me, or were Ellen Page's clothes really ill-fitting? Watch the scenes where we first meet Ariadne, her pants are loose as hell and it drove me crazy. How can you have someone wear a million layers and have none of them fit? HOW, I ASK YOU?

Both times I saw it people seated near me were flipping out about Ken Watanabe's English. "HE'S MUMBLING! I HATE MUMBLING!" Calm down, it could be worse:



Cory and I were discussing Tom Hardy's past crack habit and which drugs we would never want to be addicted to. Prior to learning about crystal meth, I would've said crack for sure. I'm gonna throw this question to you, gentle reader, using our top three finalists.

( Gather round, children, it's time for a poll. )

- Things I learned on Saturday:

zooby has excellent taste in eyewear.
My mom thinks that members of the Hells Angels Motorcycle Club are good guys.

I went to The Hangar to catch the roller derby bout where I met and had a brief chat with Tanis. (CONFIDENTIAL TO TANIS: You are nice.) Smoke City Betties got destroyed by the Death Track Dolls, which made me sad in my heart. As the bout was ending I got a call from my mom asking me to pick her and my aunt Carol up from a restaurant because they were too full and lazy to take the train home. I hauled ass all he way back to Scarborough only to run into my mom and Auntie Carol climbing on the back of these ZZ Top looking motherfuckers' motorcycles. See, while my mom and her sister were waiting outside for me, they bumped into some bikers and got to talking to them about the Hells Angels and their feuds with other biker gangs and how it was so uncool of the cops to shut down their clubhouse, which naturally lead to them being invited to someone's house to play pool.

Me: You asked me to come get you guys so you could go home and relax. Riding around on motorcycles doesn't sound relaxing.
Auntie Carol: It's not like we have to drive them, we're just sitting on the back. That's relaxing.
Biker Dude: I have a jacuzzi at my place, jacuzzis are relaxing.
Mom: I love jacuzzis!

And then they rode off into the night. According to my mom, they were all very nice and it's not their fault that a few drug-dealing murderers gave the whole club a bad rap. Apparently "if you don't fuck with them, they won't fuck with you." Oh, and they taught her how to play snooker.




( They may take our lives, but you will blow me first! )

TERRIBLE NEWS, YOU GUYS! My mom has foiled my plan to run away with Anna Torv by breaking up with Big Daddy Vladdy. Via text message. Ice cold, Sheryl.

In more terrible news, my nephew is in love with his Bonhomme horn/vuvuzela and brings it everywhere. He even sleeps with it, after he tires himself out from bzzzzzzzzzzing all day:



Sad vuvuzela trombone.


( 'Chinese people? In my neighbourhood?' It's more likely than you think. )

ETA: OH MY GOD THEY ARE OPENING A HOT TOPIC IN SCARBOROUGH TOWN CENTRE. DAMN YOU, AMERICA.

I ended up seeing Splice twice, and I still don't know how I feel about it. I was entertained up until the last 20 minutes or so when everything went to shit. Sarah Polley was great because Sarah Polley's effing awesome, Delphine Chaneac was fascinating to watch, and I guess Adrien Brody was good but I hate him so let's not. The movie's really weird and problematic, and I'm going to spoil it here because there's no way to talk about it without spoiling it. For the unspoiled who may be commenting on this, don't read what's in between the David Beckham pics.

( Splice spoilers )

I dunno, guys. I was okay with this stupid, stupid movie and its bad pseudo-science but then it got terrible. The new ad with the tagline "There are some things you can't unsee" is truth in advertising.

ETA: Spoilers in the comments, my babies.


The confusion re: whether or not my sister and I are in a same-sex union has been cleared up, just in time for the daycare to send home pictures of all the kids doing their favourite activites. What's Julian doing in his picture? Lying on a beanbag chair with a thumb in his mouth and his other hand down his pants. Oh, to be young again.


I woke up early to catch the Netherlands/Denmark game, and as I was bitching to my sister about the vuvuzelas, she informed me that she had bought something similar while in Québec on a school trip about a decade ago. So now I've had to listen to my sister and my nephew blowing their own stupid horns all morning. I'm going to have PTSD flashbacks the next time I see a bumblebee.

Today I am a woman. (I meant yesterday. Today I am a drunk) Also, 26. Krista made me a card and came bearing gifts:

( Show me the way, volcano deities! )

I also found my moustache variety pack:



"Casanova" is clearly upside down, someone in quality assurance dropped the ball. Though "Bandit" and "Rogue" are my go-to choices, I may wear "Scoundrel" out on the town this weekend.

Everything's coming up Tanisha!